I remember the days I lived last August.
I saw castles in the sky,
and beams from the sun shining through us,
and the wind stitching our fingers together,
and a future we could have met.
But you didn’t see the same thing,
maybe it was your glossy eyes.
You could no longer feel
as you threw me a blizzard
wearing your winter skin,
stormed and tore down my castles,
our castles –
They’re
just clouds.
It was the first time I heard your poison voice,
first time I watched love slip from your hands.
Super. Very effective end. I'd change the title to "Glossy Eyes, Winter Skin" lose the and.
ReplyDeleteVery nice use of the dash--and a heart stopping line with "They're just clouds."
It reminds me of something I heard somewhere like "they're not horses, they're unicorns"
Well done.
Was this something you had been already working on? Or did it spawn from something in class? Just curious.
Also, noticing winter in the title, and "August" in the first line. Good. The wind stitching is also good.
DeleteWhat if it was "stormed and tore down my castles" instead of just tore. You know how it's known as "storming the castle" this was it incorporates the castle and weather image together. Make sense?
The part in Speak where Melinda says something about the wind pushing her mother into her father is what made me think of the wind stitching, so this started with that line only. I always liked the concept of people seeing different things when looking at the clouds, so with that idea of clouds, wind, sun, etc., it all just fell into place.
ReplyDelete...and yes, I like that. Thank you!