I want to know why the faces that we are born with
are never good enough
and why we seem to sing the same songs
at the same time.
I want to understand the reason as to why
we dress in the clothes we pretend to like
and we do what we shouldn't
like it will make us more important.
I want to know why when one of us makes it out -
one of us sings a new tune -
we pull him back and put him down
for doing what we all say we want to do -
Be ourselves.
This has excellent pacing--by far its greatest strength. It's very well-done and easy to read over and over.
ReplyDeleteAs (it seems) always, I'm not sure about the end. It's possible that it seems preachy.
The title may be a bit off-putting. I like the "us," "we," and "ourselves" incorporation. You may be able to go further with the song metaphor--humming, chrous, dancing in a straight line all come immediatly to mind. "The chorus of us"??? I don't know.
We want to be anyone but us or everyone but ourselves.
This is a nice, direct poem.
Thanks.
Thanks for the suggestions. I'm always weak with titles and endings - as you'd know from my short story. Ha :) Thanks again.
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